While it’s good to be passionate about your work, an overwhelming ambition—bordering on a need—to achieve or have something, sometimes actually gets in the way. I learned this the hard way.
I spent most of my 20s wanting to be a bestselling author—recognized by traditional publications, sold lots of books, invited to speeches, etc.—and this ambition paradoxically got in the way of my writing career.
For example, I learned how the traditional publishing system worked, instead of just spending more time actually writing. Whenever I did write, I treated myself very harshly. Nothing was good enough. Meanwhile, every day I wasn’t a bestselling author—so, every day—I felt like a failure. I berated myself for being so late. Whenever I met a bestselling author, I felt my accomplishments paled in comparison—I felt inferior to them.
I listened to all sorts of podcasts with bestselling authors in my pursuit of becoming one. I came across this (very heavily gated) interview with Eddie Huang—a bestselling author and a restaurateur—and it really shifted my perspective. Eddie says:
You also shouldn’t ever feel like there’s any one thing you have to have. A lot of times, in business, in your creative life, or even your romantic life, or whatever, as soon there’s something that you care about so much that you have to have it, it poisons you. Because then, that thing controls you, and you’ve lost control of yourself.
I think it’s very important. The Tao talks about letting go of control so you can regain control… I meet a lot of people who [say], “I gotta open a restaurant. I’ve always wanted to be a chef,” and I’m like, “Chill!” [Laughs] You gotta chill because an occupation should not define your life or who you are.
I’ve gained a lot of things, and I’ve lost a lot of things, and I’ll tell you what. Your self-confidence and your acceptance of yourself—it doesn’t actually correlate to those things. I think it’s very important for people to have self-worth regardless of things they can hold on to, poles they can grasp.
I wish I could say I snapped out of the trance of ambition right away, but it took a long time—and a lot of hard work. There were moments when I considered liquidating my stock portfolio just to buy more time for me to write full-time, because I blamed myself for not wanting to write badly enough. I’m not fully free of its grasp yet; I still fall into it from time to time. Almost every day, I need to make sure I curb it through meditation and journaling.
As I temper my ambition, I also feel lighter and looser. Because I’m no longer chasing external measures of success so heavily, I’m open to showing up every day, writing, and practicing. I feel glad and grateful to learn from other authors. Validation from traditional publishers was no longer a necessity, which freed me up to write a book (and eventually find a publisher!). In other words, wanting to be a bestselling author less actually helped me make a lot more progress as an author. It was one of the best decisions I made for my writing career.
As the years go by, Eddie’s words ring truer to me. “Even art and work are just two aspects of a life,” I wrote a few years ago. “The extremities are framed as homelessness or do a soul-crushing job; the realities are much more vibrant and rich with possibility.”
It’s good to want something badly, and what I’ve realized this means is demonstrating your work ethic, being effective, and delivering on your promises to people.
What’s more important, though, is maintaining a sense of calm and level-headedness amidst the sense of ambition, passion, and obsessive creative energy. No amount of success in any realm can serve as a substitute for happiness. Don’t want to be happy tomorrow; find a way to be happy today.