Image by Austin Chan
If you’re reading this, you’re thinking, “I’m too late,” or “Other people are so much better at this than me,” or, “Why bother?”
You’re probably feeling defeated, depressed, and a special kind of self-loathing that comes with awareness. You know that you shouldn’t feel this way. It’s not constructive. But you just can’t help it.
I’m not psychic. These statements come to my mind all the time.
(Great minds think alike.)
I felt like I was too late for everything.
I started my own business too late.
I bet on myself too late.
I wrote a book too late.
These thoughts haven’t stopped. I could have done all of those things so much earlier. If I was really that smart, why couldn’t I get out of my own way?
“There are many of us out aiming for greatness, and we are terrified. So many younger people seem to have accomplished so much more already,” I wrote 12 years ago. I was projecting. Sometimes, I felt terrified.
There wasn’t one solution that helped me break through this form of self-doubt. It’s more like I had to find fuel to break free of gravity—I had to build momentum. There were several things that helped me do this:
- I made commitments that were difficult for me to break. I would take on a freelance project, or work with friends on projects, and I showed up and completed them. Whenever I completed a project, I built more confidence and momentum.
- If I wanted to learn something new, it had to be incremental to the skills that I already had—so I had to structure it around an existing project. Whenever I learned and applied a new lesson—even if it was microscopic—I gained momentum. I also started building a metaphorical muscle for working in spite of these thoughts—other people call this a passion stance, or a negative capability.
- If I couldn’t find a way to apply the new skill or technique to a project, then I needed to invest in a class or community for greater accountability. (In other words, I stopped teaching myself.)
- I said no to a lot more opportunities. This felt bad—but I knew it would work. I made a Do Not Do list, and I kept focus to minimize distraction. When friends approached me with opportunities, I had to politely decline. It felt energizing not to be spread too thin or stressed by overcommitting.
- I also reframed. I realized that I really actually wasn’t too late. I’m in my early 30s. I used to think this was really old, but now I realize I’m still a kid compared to a lot of the late bloomers who start in their 60s and 70s. Tomorrow is not promised—but that’s life. Treat the present moment like you’re showing love to the future you.
- I started practising every day and publishing to this blog that very few people read. It works for me. Every day, I complete and publish one of these posts. It keeps me in the groove of delivering. Plus I treat it as a letter to my future self.
In fact, this whole blog is an exercise staying comfortable with being too late, and practicing my way into a new belief:
This is the perfect time. Today is the best day.
As a format, blogs were popular maybe 10–20 years ago. Very few people read blogs anymore. And still! Here I am, doing the thing that I really want to do, every day. It makes me feel really confident, it gives me energy, and that’s what makes it worth it.
Responding to this Reddit thread.