I recently decided to, finally, have my iPhone fixed, only to realize a few hours later that my AppleCare could have covered it. I was in a low mood until my partner suggested that I was robbing myself of a good decision.
The iPhone needed fixing, and procrastinating on it wasn’t useful. Deciding to do something about it was. Paying a little more wasn’t a big deal, especially compared to the business opportunities in front of me. I realized I could either continue to drain myself for a small expense, or let it go and focus on the projects in front of me. I had, unknowingly, engaged in maladaptive frugality.
For me, it started from a young age, during which frugality was framed as a virtue and mindless spending as, practically, sinful. During one of my parents’ anniversary dinners, they ate takeout, and my dad decided to use it as a teachable moment. What I took away: eating at a good restaurant was bad, taking out cheap food was good because it saved money.
My parents grew up in Hong Kong, and the people there have a lot of useful stories about saving money. A writer describes being frugal in Hong Kong, “There are cultural and economic reasons why frugality runs deep here. Many families carry memories of instability—economic downturns, business failures, illness, or the pressure of supporting relatives. For others, the habit is inherited: parents who lived through leaner periods teach children to treat spending as a moral hazard rather than a tool.”
Matthew Hung describes Hong Kong being colonized by the UK, “Engaging in the free market gave a freedom to those blocked from democracy by allowing them an alternative context from which to improve their own situation, albeit at the individual level rather than the collective level of citizenship.”
My parents carried that attitude with them to Canada, and I also grew up practicing and valuing frugality. It has been very useful at times (including being able to travel for less!), and very limiting at others. Here’s an example, which I wrote about a couple of years ago:
I have a hard time spending, to the point where I would often procrastinate on buying things that I know I’ll need in the future. And of course, I don’t have it when I need it because I didn’t buy it… so I decided to restrain my obsession with not spending. Make good systems-level decisions and give consideration/consultation to high impact decisions, and also be ok paying $30 to book an airline seat earlier. I plan to have fun spending my money in the future, so it’s time to start practicing now.
When you default to the lowest cost option without considering the drawbacks, procrastinating or hesitating on spending, or guilt tripping yourself about an essential expense or making a recoverable mistake, you’re engaging in maladaptive frugality.
The most useful thing you can do is be mindful of it and try to draw yourself into the present moment. As Tim Ferriss asks, “What does your last year—not your childhood beliefs—tell you about where you might invest more for a higher quality of life?”
When you make frugality your servant, it can offer you freedom. When you make frugality your master—maladaptive frugality—it traps you and limits your possibilities.