Category: Expectations
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Learning to love rejection
A few days ago, I wrote one of my favorite posts: red lights. It reminds me of an opening story in the third chapter of Creative Doing, entitled, “Make Constraints Your Canvas.” I recently came across a quote from Virgil Abloh on rejection. In an interview with the New York Times, the writer mentions a…
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Make your work the best practice, and let people copy it
People copy today. Incentives reward derivative work. Sequels, song covers, and newsjacking (including celebrity culture) are all signs of this. The most constructive thing you can do in this environment is to behave the way you want to see more people behave, and then to promote your work and make it a best practice. People…
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Red lights
A red light is not an obstacle getting in the way of your destination; it is the destination. You are constantly arriving at the destination, the place you’re meant to be. Even if it wasn’t the place you had in mind, or the place you want to go, you’re meant to be wherever you are,…
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Seeing the expectations you picked up
Expectations work like gravitational pressure. It feels similar to mimetic desire (perhaps the two are related!), like there’s no way to escape what’s being expected of you. The forces of these expectations have very real consequences. For example, if your teachers expected you to learn well and get high grades, they’d behave in ways that…
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“You can do anything…”
With the implication that if you don’t, that was your choice. Your responsibility. Or if you’re being hard on yourself, it’s your fault you are stuck in the circumstances you’re in. As I wrote the other day, there’s a sense of cruelty to this, not only because it’s not a gentle idea; it’s also simply…
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Maps, masks, and models
“Never confuse your mask with your face. You are so much more,” Frederik Gieschen writes. “The map is not the territory,” is a phrase coined by Alfred Korzybski. “All models are wrong, some are useful,” George Box writes. By default, every analysis, heuristic, and principle omits something. They’re useful because they generally omit the right…
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A table for your thoughts
I once had a colleague who said he wasn’t able to stop snoozing his alarm clock. There was no way for me to talk him out of it. It was a fact of life to him: the sky was blue, the table was holding his laptop, and he couldn’t stop snoozing his alarm clock. Things…
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Creating a perception
Media—social, traditional, or otherwise—is not the ideal place to seek honesty, vulnerability, and genuine connection. It’s not a place to understand reality. It’s a place to create and interpret perceptions. If you’re doing creative work, your image and brand are an inherent part of the art. There’s a notion that work should be appreciated for…
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Betrayals
My father has a saying in Cantonese, which roughly translates into, “You can’t trust people, you can only trust God.” This saying came to mind in last night’s episode of Ted Lasso. Betrayal is one of the most painful emotions. We’ve seen Ted Lasso deal with it, in different orders of magnitude, each season. I…
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Validation addiction
This is the latest in a series on theTV show Ted Lasso. Here was the first. Spoiler alert! One of the best gifts a person can receive is validation. The more underestimated a person is—bullied, treated cruelly, or just not being seen or respected—the greater the hunger for this validation. Nate’s storyline in Ted Lasso…