In Truth, Hector Macdonald writes, “A schoolteacher of mine once compared history to a bowl of spaghetti. There are many strands, all mixed up together, he said. Historians have to select a strand and pull it free from the rest to paint a coherent picture of the past. I still think it’s a great metaphor. Each strand of spaghetti is a competing truth: the one you choose to pull out will determine your understanding of the past, which in turn will drive your actions in the present.” 

This is equally true of your personal history. There are both helpful and unhelpful statements that our mind expresses—perhaps repetitively—that are symptoms of our thought processes. 

Sometimes, they’re unhelpful ones we’ve heard in pivotal moments, uttered by people close to us—either loved ones or sworn enemies (and some who play a complicated hybrid role)—and made such an impact that we haven’t been able to let go. They sound like invisible scripts. Some of my own past greatest hits include:

• “I should be doing that,” or “I shouldn’t be doing this.”
• “___ would never have this problem,” or, “___ is better/smarter than me.”
• “I’m too ___. It’s my fault I failed at…”

Each of these scripts are only just one strand of spaghetti though. It helps to take a step back and re-evaluate, to re-appraise the situation you’re experiencing, and envision a future in the way that you want to.

This is a theory that Andy Clark calls predictive processing, which he describes in The Experience Machine:

Nothing we do or experience—if the theory is on track—is untouched by our own expectations. Instead, there is a constant give-and-take in which what we experience reflects not just what the world is currently telling us, but what we—consciously or nonconsciously—were expecting it to be telling us.

In other words, when we’re able to predict differently, we’re also able to change the experiences and the evidence we experience, which affects our subsequent predictions. If you believe that somebody doesn’t like you, then you may behave in a way that leads them to actually not like you; your initial impression made that come true, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. (The opposite can be true too; if you believe somebody likes you, and you behave in that way, you can also influence their liking for you.)

I’ve found Byron Katie’s four questions to be incredibly helpful at expanding my perspective, so that I can actually see the other strands, and imagine—or even predict—a future outcome I want to experience. 

I’ve also found diagrams like money maps (or money eggs) to be useful. There are other exercises, like trauma eggs, that help re-surface and unpack general memories. 

Reading and listening to other people’s constructive scripts can also be helpful to introduce a pattern, as can transcribing and typing.