If you’re a writer, maybe your dream is to write a book that hits the New York Times bestseller list. That’s a fine dream—and was mine, at one point!—though it comes with a caveat: whoever can put you on the list, or block you from it, is in control of your dream. 

Let’s imagine that your dream is to hit the NYT bestselling list. If you want to improve your odds, you’ll need to get familiar with their rules, including the sales venues they consider, finding a traditional publisher, and sell over 5,000 copies in a week. If, all of a sudden, they do it less often, your odds decrease accordingly. 

That’s a lot of power to give someone else (and, potentially, a lot of time not spent writing!). And, oftentimes, it’s in these parties best interests—the NYT bestseller list, the Grammys, the Met Gala, the Fortune 100, the recruiters at your dream company, an investor or venture capitalist, etc.—to maintain that power.

There’s no conspiracy happening; they work hard to create a consensus that they’re the gold standard. If you buy into that, and they want to make a change, then you will need to follow. If someone powerful decides to blacklist you, then you’re out of luck.

It’s useful to remember that these achievements are gratifying, but you can seek other sources of validation, purpose, and meaning.

You can, always, choose to give your dream its own intentional shape. If you don’t, it’s very easy for someone else, or the perceived majority, to make the default decision for you.