Peer pressure takes place when the people around you are doing something that goes against something you believe in. It could be a goal, your values, or a desire.

It can be brief, like being the only person not drinking at a party because you want to wake up without a hangover. When your friends all egg each other on, and you decline and say, “I’m not drinking tonight,” or “I don’t drink,” expect peer pressure.

It can involve a different multi-year commitment, like renting a property when most of the people you know have taken on a mortgage because you like the flexibility and want to do something else with the cash.

It can mean resetting an expectation for yourself, because life has asked something different of you. This often comes in the form of a setback. Maybe your friends all got offered jobs and you didn’t, or you experienced an injury and need time to heal.

If there was an opposite to peer pressure, it’s self approval. If you want to get better at dealing with peer pressure, and living a life that’s real to you, figuring out how to earn your own approval—and being accountable to yourself, showing pride when you behave in line with your values even if you look silly to your friends—is a step in the right direction.

Moving in line with self approval doesn’t necessarily get easier, but like everything else, you improve with practice. You also feel the early wins, which make practicing more rewarding. Giving into peer pressure feels gratifying in the moment, but usually worse over time.

The more people you try to impress, the less yourself you can be. Impress as few people as possible.

When you cave into peer pressure, you condition your friends to push you; when you align with self approval, you condition your friends to respect you. You may lose some friends along the way.

The people you want around you are the ones who want you to win at being you, and aren’t afraid to win at being themselves.