My friend’s dad had a great saying: to “assume” makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” For example, if you misspoke to another person and they assume they know your intentions, you look like an ass to them because they think you are being mean—and they will have made an ass of themselves to you. 

The only reliable solution I know to this is to constantly pause, even just for a two seconds. Building this habit means replacing the habit of reacting mindlessly.

The world doesn’t seem to be moving in this direction. There are often times I don’t feel like I have a second to consider what I am hearing. Yet those times are the most critical for taking a beat, putting both feet on the floor, and focusing on breathing even just once.

It sets you up to see if someone else is hurting, be gentle, and ask a clarifying question. The other person also gets their own moment to pause.

When you pause, you improve your odds of preventing pain for you and the other person.