A father wanted to show his son how important it was to regulate his emotions. The son was given a rule: whenever he got upset, he would hammer a nail into their wooden fence. Initially, the son hammered a lot of nails, but the practice taught him to be more mindful of his temper. He learned how to let his anger pass, without losing his temper. 

The father gave his son a new rule: every day the son didn’t lose his temper, he could remove one nail from the wooden fence. Eventually, the son removed all the nails. The father brought the son over to the wooden fence, and they looked at the holes together. 

The father said, “When you’re tempted to go back to your old ways, remember these holes. Even though you’ve pulled out the nails, the holes cannot be repaired. In the same way, anger can create damage that can never be undone.”

Dramatic moments like nails and holes are what usually make the highlight reel. But the more ordinary moments—the countless ones where you take the high road—where you hold your tongue when someone insults you, skillfully navigate a difficult conversation, or choose the right timing to say something, often go unrecognized. 

Most people won’t see the effort you make that contributes to the smooth experience, as well as the pain, confusion, and hurt you didn’t cause. That’s something that you’ll need to acknowledge and celebrate yourself—the fact that you don’t have to say, “I would pay anything to get out of this situation.” 

You did pay for it—with your self-awareness, tact, and by being cool. You won’t feel the hit of accomplishment, but it still can be a feeling of pride and confidence. You didn’t hammer a nail into the fence, so the fence will have one less hole.

Hat tip to The Art of Manliness for the opening parable.