Unlearning is an incredibly important skill. It’s also often, in my experience, much more difficult than learning. 

Part of that is probably because we go through decades of learning to acquire facts, lessons, and insights, but there isn’t much of a curriculum on unlearning beliefs and scripts. I’ve had some experience applying and practicing in the realms of coaching and therapy.

Three helpful starting points:

“Who would you be without that thought?” Byron Katie suggests asking. (Important to note that this question is the fourth in a series, and the order matters!) Whenever I feel bad about myself, and appraise my character poorly, I’ve often found almost instant relief when I ask myself this.

“What did you hear me say?” Carole Robin suggests asking (via Rohan Rajiv). While Carole intended for this to apply to conversations with other people, I also find it can be helpful when asking myself to understand a thought or feeling.

“What if someone said that to your best friend?” I don’t know where I got this one, but it’s also helpful as a litmus test for whether or not I am being too hard on myself.