Dan Sullivan is a coach for entrepreneurs. He asks every prospective client a question, “If we were having this discussion three years from today, and you were looking back over those three years, what has to have happened in your life, both personally and professionally, for you to feel happy with your progress?”
It’s a great question, but it’s not the point of this post.
Most clients respond to the question, but a small few refuse to. When they do, he rejects them as clients. He says, “I appreciate the opportunity to ask this question. I wanted to see if there was any way I could be useful to you in your future. Since you don’t want to tell me anything, there’s nothing that I can do for you.”
Then, he ends the conversation and leaves.
He writes in his book, The Dan Sullivan Question, “In many cases, they try to get me to come back, but I never do. They get one chance, and that’s it. There are thousands of great people in the world who would want the opportunity to answer the question. I want to get on to them.”
It reminds me of the time an acquaintance expressed interest in starting a business together. We agreed to meet at a coffee shop with several ideas. I penned my ideas 30 minutes before the commute. I even felt guilty that I’d put it off until the last minute.
They showed up with nothing and wanted to talk about my ideas and how they could contribute. I ended the meeting early, left, and did not pursue a business with that person.
If they’d shown up with bad ideas and still shared them with conviction, and then decided my ideas were better, that’d be one thing. If they’d shown up with good ideas and we decided their ideas were better, another thing.
But I decided that their refusal to show up with ideas was unacceptable.
One chance.
If you’re on the receiving end—that’s often more than what most people get, so don’t waste it.
And if the chance doesn’t work out, then go find your next chance, prepare, and make the most of it.
If you’re on the giving end—only give the most important people in your life a second chance.
If they ask for a third, you need to consider how seriously the other person takes the relationship. They might take you for granted. You might realize you need to pull back from the relationship, or walk away altogether.
You might not need to tell them this directly, or cut them off dramatically. You can do it subtly. It’s a painful realization, but one that will ultimately benefit both of you in the long run.
There are thousands—maybe millions!—of people in this world that will value you and your work. When you walk away from people who take you for granted, you open the door for people who see your value to walk into your life.