When you’re young, you say yes. “Accept everything, expect nothing,” the saying goes. As you refine your skills and gain experiences, new opportunities will come along.
Saying yes won’t work anymore. You will need to start to say no.
The first time you do it, it might feel scary, but there’ll be clearly a good reason for it. You will have conviction.
The next hundred times you do it, the experiences will all feel different. Some will feel similarly clear to you. But many other decisions will feel confusing.
You will feel foolish for turning down easy money, or isolated and lonely when you start saying no to what your friends say yes to. You will feel scared, that you might make someone feel upset or disappointed. You will feel guilty for creating the conditions for someone to feel rejection.
And, if things go right for you, you will say no to some great opportunities, simply because they are distracting you from the main thing. Another saying comes to mind, “It’s not prioritization until it hurts.”
After saying no for a while, the opportunities may come by less frequently. You might feel badly about this, like you’ve closed off the door to good luck, and maybe that’s true. Don’t take for granted what you have created though—the conditions for you to do the work that’s meaningful to you. The conditions for focus.
In a world where simply focusing causes so much friction, less people will focus. And because focus is scarce, the ability and skill to be able to focus—and the discipline required to do it—will be more valuable.
P.S., This post mostly focuses on career. There is something else to be said about standing up against things that are not working for you. It’s relatively clear—though not easy—that you need to say no to people who take you for granted. Saying no to a set of beliefs that is holding you back, saying no to distractions and activities that make you feel good, and saying no to bad behavior—are all valuable as well. The thing they all have in common is the word, “No,” gives you a sense of agency.