A useful rule for relationships

My friend James recently shared a simple, useful, perspective, “Assume that if you’re not the person reaching out to keep the relationship alive, it’ll die.” Useful for a variety of reasons:

It puts you in the driver’s seat of your relationship. Don’t wait for a text from your friends, be the one reaching out! Twice this week I’ve heard two different friends say, “Let’s do this more often.” 

It also doesn’t put your friends “in the wrong” for not reaching out. You don’t grumble, “Why am I always the one reaching out?” It assumes you’re playing for the same team, and this is how you—as a person on the team—can contribute.

The last, perhaps a counterintuitive usefulness: you also get to decide who to keep close to you. If you don’t have enough energy to maintain all your relationships, just stop reaching out and they’ll prioritize themselves. When you pull inwards, you will see who reaches out to you to keep the relationship alive. Two people reaching out make for a stronger relationship. 

Fortunately, a relationship can have more than one life. You may not hear from someone for a long time, and the relationship might feel dead. When you finally hear from the other person, then you’ll know it’s the right season to breathe life into the relationship again. 

(And sometimes the relationship just needs an excuse—an occasion, an event—to come back to life.)

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