When monk and peace activist Thích Nhất Hạnh lived in Vietnam during the war, people asked him every day when the war would end. It was a tricky question. 

He didn’t know the answer, of course, and it wasn’t clear things were getting better. 

At the same time, if he told them so bluntly, they would leave feeling an even greater sense of despair. The best answer he could come up with was this:

“Everything is impermanent, even war. It will end some day.”

There are many takeaways from this simple story. Here are three:

Emotions are like seeds. You can choose which ones to water, for yourself and other people. Nhất Hạnh was mindful, and told a story that watered people’s seeds of hope, while still being very honest about the situation. The best reality checks are simple, positive, and hopeful, while acknowledging negativity and accepting inconvenient facts.

When people asked for a prediction of time, Nhất Hạnh was wise not to give them one. It reminds me of Admiral Stockdale, who was captured in the same war, noticing the people who didn’t make it out died of a broken heart; they were constantly hoping to be out soon, and left disappointed.

There is no “happily ever after.” Happy exists, and you can find it in many small moments, however “ever after” does not. Whenever you catch yourself wishing for an escape, or wishing you’ve “made it,” remember that such a destination doesn’t exist. Prepare accordingly, and don’t panic.