Is it a child’s task to study? Or is it a parent’s task to get them to study?
“There is a simple way to tell whose task it is. Think, Who ultimately is going to receive the result brought about by the choice that is made?” Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi write in The Courage to Be Disliked.
“When the child has made the choice of not studying, ultimately, the result of that decision—not being able to keep up in class or to get into the preferred school, for instance—does not have to be received by the parents. Clearly, it is the child who has to receive it. In other words, studying is the child’s task.”
Your goal is not to interfere in other people’s tasks. You can offer support, or to assist as much as you can, without intruding. You can lead a horse to water, but it’s up to the horse to drink from it.
It’s the same when you work as a manager. You’re best off not interfering with your team’s tasks. The approach may sound like this, if you’re the manager:
“When this meeting is over, the problem will leave this office exactly the way it came in—on your back. You may ask my help at any appointed time, and we will make a joint determination of what the next move will be and which of us will make it. In those rare instances where the next move turns out to be mine, you and I will determine it together. I will not make any move alone.”
The inverse is true too: if you have a need, or want to accomplish a goal, that’s your task—not anyone else’s. I like how 50 Cent writes it in Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter, “There is no version of hustling harder or smarter that involves relying on the assumption that someone is going to do anything for you. You must accept that it’s all on you.” When Jay Jenkins wanted to be the CEO of his own label, and the artists he signed fell through, he decided he would also need to be the artist himself. While you can ask for help, nobody is going to do your task for you.
Take care of your own tasks, and know where to draw the line in the sand. You can still offer to be helpful, and clearly say, “From here on, this is not my task.”
Hat tip to my friend Jason for the HBR link.