Beliefs guide the arcs of our lives, usually through stories. These can appear as simple phrases or statements.
For example, “Life is a competition.” In this story, the belief might be that there is such an objective thing as winning or losing at life—otherwise it wouldn’t be a competition.
Winning is good, and losing is bad. There may be rewards for winning, and consequences for losing. And then there may be rules, both written and unwritten.
Some people who participate—maybe everyone who is alive?—are born with, earn, or steal advantages. Others cheat their way through.
Moreover, people who participate in this competition are supposed to want to win. If you’re not trying to win, maybe other people will think you’re weird.
This is just one possible story that illustrates a belief. What’s more interesting is to ask yourself some questions:
Who is this belief useful for?
Is this belief useful to you? How?
Is this belief useful to somebody else? How? (i.e., Who benefits from you holding on to this belief and expressing it through your life?)
Who else does this belief help? How did you find this belief?
This belief has gotten you this far. Is it getting in the way? Will it take you where you want to go next?
For example, “Life is a competition,” may motivate you by tapping into your sense of competition. When you feel like sleeping in in the mornings, you remind yourself of this story, and you feel a surge of energy to get to your work. When you experience despair and want to give up, maybe you remind yourself that somebody else will win—and you put your head back into it. Maybe the belief is useful for you, and you want to continue shaping it.
Or, “Life is a competition,” may have started expiring. Your friends won’t play board games with you anymore because you behave like a sore loser. Or you have joined a very collaborative team that needs you to treat your peers like allies, and not as competition. When you want to be generous, this belief holds you back from sharing. When you want to be vulnerable with someone, you can’t bring yourself to say how you feel because you’re scared you might sound like the loser of a competition. Maybe this belief was useful in some parts of your life, and now it’s time for you to figure out a new belief in other parts of your life.
Or, “Life is a competition” may be used against you. Maybe your boss nudges you into competition with your coworkers, incentivizing the bunch of you to work harder and later. Entrepreneurs and marketers create products that signify higher status, which you feel compelled to buy in order to express that you are a winner—even though you don’t actually care. Maybe you realize that this belief is useful for people who want to push you into doing the things they want, which isn’t always what’s in your best interest. Maybe you need to start believing something new.
Your beliefs form the foundation of your life. (Who is this belief useful for?) When you want to change the shape of how your life looks, you can start with what you believe. If you don’t shape it, somebody else can and probably will, to their advantage.
Thanks to Derek Sivers for teaching me that you can choose what you believe.