There’s a phrase that describes when somebody else says something to cause a strong emotional reaction in you (usually irritating or annoying you): they are “pushing your buttons.” It’s not very useful, because it puts the other person in the driver’s seat. You’re passively letting your buttons get pushed. 

It’s useful because you can always blame someone else for your behavior. Other people are always pushing your buttons, which is why you react. It feels like they made you do something.

At some point, though, you—and the people you love—will no longer accept this. You don’t want to keep reacting with anger, or guilt, or fear. This story stops becoming useful. 

When you want to take responsibility for your life, this story doesn’t work. You need to take the buttons back. Only you push your own buttons, and with intention and clarity. 

“You choose your reaction. Not the first one, but the next,” Derek Sivers writes in Useful Not True. You can do this by creating a few seconds of space. 

When you choose your reaction in difficult circumstances, you also gain the coveted ability to choose your next action.