If you want to fall asleep, the worst way to do it is to try to force yourself to sleep. Instead, conventional advice is to count sheep. I like to imagine a mashup of my favorite TV shows. The idea is to think about something else, and sleep naturally follows. You don’t pursue sleep directly, you allow it to happen by approaching it indirectly.

Similarly, someone who urges their friends, “Let’s have fun!” is probably not going to get what they want. They’d be much better off introducing a game or suggesting an activity. The caveat is they need to be willing to lead: to put themselves out there and risk people not following.

One idea about how to get luckier uses the metaphor of surface area. Try a lot of new stuff, and some of it will work out. Explore. Make new friends. Visit new places. Start new projects. While you’re not in control of which of these initiatives succeed, you can take an indirect approach and allow some of them to gain momentum.

Instead of directly telling someone you don’t like what they’re doing, you can tell them stories that indirectly suggest and impart different values. 

Perhaps the most consistent approach to happiness is like this too: you can’t chase it, you can allow it to find you. Think like a gardener, planting seeds and watering them, not knowing exactly how things will turn out.