When you go to the gym, you only see benefits if you actually do the exercise. While a coach, trainer, or friend can support you through the process, they can’t do the actual work for you. If they lifted the weights, they would get stronger—not you.

Similarly, you can’t simply trade bodies with someone who has spent three years in the gym. If you want to get in shape, you’ll need to spend your own three years following a plan, sticking with it, and eating right.

If you pick up a weight that’s too heavy from the rack, you’re going to drop it. You know that if you usually lift 40 pounds, maybe lifting 80 is not realistic. Maybe you might hurt yourself. You also know that you can probably lift 20 pounds pretty comfortably. Your trainer might push you to do 45 or 50, supporting you if you struggle through it. 

The next time you don’t feel confident, it’s important to ask yourself if this is a clear analysis of your own skills. Have you done something like this before, or is this completely out of your experience and skillset? Do your best to remember a time you’ve faced something like this and worked through it. It’s less simple than comparing an 80 pound weight to a 40 pound one, but it’s the same idea.

Or is there something that’s not right with how people are perceiving your work? Are they misjudging or misunderstanding the value of what you do? Do you need to find a different group of people to work with? Imagine if your trainer constantly kept you lifting 40 pounds, for no good reason, even though you’ve demonstrated that you’re capable of doing 45 or 50. You’d need to fire your trainer and get a new one.