You can’t do both at the same time.

When you ask questions, with a desire to understand, and listen, you are learning. Questions like:

What assumptions am I making?

How else can I think about this?

What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?

When you’re mindful, you can catch yourself being judgmental and ask some of these questions to shift your brain’s focus back to learning. In her book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, Marilee Adams calls these switching questions. She shares more:

What’s going on with me?

How do I want to feel?

What am I responsible for in this situation?

Would I rather be curious or judgmental?

Am I willing to accept and forgive myself?

Here are two I’ve edited or added:

Will being judgmental get me what I really want?

Will being right about something get me what I really want? 

These questions help make a difficult experience easier, and set you up to find better possibilities for the future.