Being judgmental is useful for doing difficult things. (Sanctimonious, self-righteous, prideful, are all variations of what I mean by being judgmental.)

When you believe in a statement that’s judgmental, it gives you the energy you need to stick with letting go of bad habits, persisting in a challenging situation, or breaking through a self-limiting belief or a limit you were born with.

“They’re like that, but I’m better than them,” the story goes. You feel proud of yourself, and that pride keeps you going. In that sense, it’s useful.

At the same time, being judgmental is not useful for helping people stuck in those circumstances—who don’t have enough reasons to feel proud yet—break out of them. Simply telling them, “Just stop doing that thing you’re doing!” or “Just start doing better!” isn’t going to work. “Can’t you be more like me?” is not useful to them.

If you really want to help them, they don’t need you to be judgmental of them. They need you to be curious, to ask questions, and to support them. Hold them to high expectations, be kind, and help them be the person you know they can be.

If you want to help yourself, you can also approach it with less judgment and more curiosity.